Are you aware of the fact that your own mind is constantly low-key fucking your shit up?
That grey gelatinous spam inside of our skull is a relentless prediction machine.
It’s constantly fabricating scenarios based on negative past experiences and trauma,
or by extrapolating our deepest fears and insecurities.
Our wrinkly pink meat computer is constantly fucking computing-
the entire spectrum from consciously catastrophizing by contemplating horrific shit that may happen,
or more subtly you find yourself in some made up embarrassing situation playing out entirely within your hair and skin covered melon,
or in some sleepless mental scenario where your in trouble somehow,
or in an argumentative narrative with a mental phantom who exists entirely within your skull Wellington.
Our mind meatloaf constantly makes shit up in order to prepare us for worst case scenarios.
But guess what? Those future pontifications are never ever going to fucking happen, ever.
You know how I know that? Because we do not exist in the future or the past.
Nothing bad is ever going to happen to you in the future.
The only thing that is ever going to happen to you for the rest of your life is-
RIGHT NOW.
Think of the most vivid memory you have,
or think of the most distressing future fear-born hallucination that you tend to generate.
Got it? Ok, hold it for a minute, observe the repercussions in your nervous system,
those are just brain chemicals squirting.
Visual it in as much detail as you can…
Ok now, fuggetabout it and completely pay attention to: right now.
Don’t look at me, I know it’s hard on accounta’ my glorious mustache and shit, look around you right now.
Do you see how incredibly fucking vivid and immediate your perception of right now is?
And the feeling of existence that you call “me” as it presents right now?
Compared to the watery wavy or foggy memories or predictions in your electrified noggin Jello?
Look, I know, horrific shit happens, don’t I fucking know it.
But even, real time, experiencing the worst kind of tragedy, if you pull back just for a moment, in the moment,
you’ll see that nothing is worse than what your mind does in those dreadful moments as it casts itself forward into a made up model, we call future.
The worst of the worst is the story your mind tells itself,
and all the “now what’s” and “what if’s” and “why’s” and “woes” and “it’s not fair”
and all that shit.
Bad shit happens, I know, but nothing is ever as bad as our mind’s desperately woven explanations or fearful extrapolations of said shit.
If you are attached to, and identified with, a painful narrative created in your thought plane then you are only going to view your situation as if you’re looking through shit-colored brown glasses.
You know the whole “be present”, “be here now”, “be in the moment” thing?
It so overdone that it becomes reduced into nothing more than a woo woo cliche.
It’s been co-opted and turned into a catch phrase and sometimes is used as a virtue signal like “look at me I’m spiritually advanced as fuck”
and by doing so it becomes encapsulated within a story and stories are entirely from the thought plane.
The now, it is a fucking thing.
It’s not something new that you attain, it’s what “is” when you stop paying attention to the inherently nonexistent past or future.
You don’t have to look for it; you relax into it.
Feel what it feels like to exist inside of your meat tractor.
Shoulders, taint and toes, all of it, drain your attention away from the aperture of mind and into the body.
Every sight, every sound, every bit of temperature or pressure, the hug of gravity, all of the smells, just experience them without labeling or judgement… unless it’s someone else’s fart, we can only do so much.
Don’t try to stop thinking because thinking will fight back and you’ll end up thinking about not thinking.
Watch your thoughts come and go, without judgement, pay attention to how “now” presents without polluting it with opinions or attractions or aversions.
All that shit is entirely within your jiggly skull walnut.
Like your own fart smells fine, even kind of interesting, until you find out someone next to you farted at the same time, *gag*.
See what I mean?
The entire world out there is just a model created in here.
We don’t experience reality; we only experience our mind.
Keep your attention in the now, as best you can,
it’s kind of a fake it until you make it thing.
If your aspiration is to experience reality how it is as opposed to how you think it is, you’ll figure it the fuck out, by eventually unfiguring.
It’ll happen with practice and when it does it’s like the reality curtain has been yanked aside and, there you are, for the first time, you see the “You” behind your mind and you realize,
this isn’t the first time; I’ve always fucking been here!
And you will thereby immediately fuck it up by thinking “omg I did it I’m fucking present”.
But that’s ok, that’s the process.
The surface of our mind does not want this for us but fortunately that surface, that may currently seem like the entirety, is actually the least part of us.
In fact, it actually doesn’t even really exist but shhhh, it doesn’t like that.
I’m supremely confident that every motherfucker out there that wants to go home, will.
That curtain of thought will get thrown aside and you’ll think, “wow, I’ve been missing my whole life, I’ve been superimposing “if only’s” and “what if’s” over this right here right now, my only actual existence, this poignantly intimate iteration of my life”.
And of course, by thinking all that you’ll fuck it up again and the curtain will seem to slam shut but that’s ok,
because this time you brought something real back to incorporate into the unreal.
Because thoughts have no inherent existence, you are not your fucking thoughts.
It’s a process, you’re “now” then you’re not. It takes time to weaken your addiction to thinking and to dissolve the ego enough to be able to marinate in the moment.
I’m fucking telling you, no bullshit, it’s a thing, that’s not exactly a thing, and it’s absolutely extraordinary and then after a while, it’s not, it’s normal,
It’s just undiluted experience,
an unbroken ocean of awareness wherein the “you” that you identify with is just fluctuating waves of thought.
When you dig a hole emptiness doesn’t flood into it…
You don’t put emptiness into the hole.
It’s always been there behind the dirt.
Now is like that,
awareness is like that,
actual you is like that.
The more time you spend in the “now” the more you realize and remember that you always have and always will be “now”,
it’s your ineffable and luminous home.
You feel that don’t you…
Ok look, if you still don’t get all the “be present, be in the moment, be here now” and all that shit then good, leave it that way, because it is not a thought or idea or string of words.
It is entirely an experiential awareness.
You’ve just been too overly conditioned and caught up in the waves of thought to remember, to feel, to experience that you are in fact a perpetual ocean of now-ness, a self-cognizing sea of awareness.
You don’t have to go anywhere to come home.
You can die peacefully before death.
You can wake up from the one dreamer’s dream and live a more lucid life.
It’s a big fucking deal and yet, it’s also completely mundane.
It’s all here and it’s all now, it’s all, you boo, toodaloo.
