Ok listen If you’re freaking the fuck out, this is for you. If anxiety is rising or you are having a panic attack- I gotchu.
A panic attack 1000% feels like you are dying. Hardly anyone who starts having a fucking panic attack ever initially says- “oh shit I’m having a panic attack.” It always feels like “oh shit I’m fucking dying or the world is ending, or some kind of doom is eminent.”
Take a breath through your nose, a slow breath, we’re gonna get you through this.
Within our wrinkly pink meat computer there’s this thing called the amygdala. Its only job is to record stress or trauma and then look for any iteration of that stress or trauma in your environment or- in your subconscious, it’s fucking tricky like that. It does it for the purpose of keeping you safe.
Before we go on, do this: slouch a little, loosen your muscles, put your eyelids at half mast, slow breath, eyes on me.
The amygdala is kind of a dumbass. It doesn’t have a concept of time and if it’s been marinated in trauma it starts to look for anything that may be even slightly unsafe and it may misinterpret normal shit for unsafe shit because it’s fucking overreacting, That’s it.
Ok now breath through your nose like this: nice and slow, 4 seconds in, hold for 4 seconds, and release for 4 seconds, wait for 4 seconds, or as long as is comfortable-4,4,4,4 remember that. Also remember, you’re not fucking dying, we’re gonna get you through this.
You just gotta calm that amygdala down but you cannot talk to it directly we’re not wired like that. You have to communicate with the amygdala through your body, you have to physically prove to the amygdala that you’re safe. So stop obsessing about that pain in your body or those numb tingling fingers or whatever weird shit is happening because obsessing and worrying about the symptoms of stress hormones creates a feedback loop and the amygdala will dump even more shit into your blood so maybe try not to do that as best you can.
Here’s how you do- you have to force your body to do safe shit to prove to your well intentioned, but dumbass, amygdala that, “I’m cool, I’m safe, you don’t have to freak the fuck out and fill me with stress hormones, I don’t need fight I don’t need flight, I need some fucking chill bruh”
Do it like this: slouch even more, relax all of your muscles, droop your eyelids like you’re a tired motherfucker.
Breathe 4, 4, 4, 4 like that, through your nose, yeah, I know it’s hard but do it anyway it’s incredibly effective. Slow motion, relaxed muscles, droopy eyes, breathing in 4s- try doing something that you would do when you feel safe, clean something or go for a walk, whatever, that’s how you send physical safety signals to your freaking out amygdala.
The amygdala doesn’t understand the concept of time so all that fucked up shit that happened to you? The amygdala is bringing it front and center right now and making you feel like it’s happening right now even if your conscious mind isn’t thinking about it at all.
You can’t always tell what triggered the amygdala so If at all possible, leave the environment you are in, walk away, go outside, if you’re at work pretend you have to go take a shit and sit on the toilet, if you’re driving pull over and walk around.
Do calm person shit, everything you do is slow and calm and chill, muscles loose, eyelids heavy, slow breathing, you’re not having a heart attack, it’s not a stroke, if it was you would have called 911 already instead of looking at videos and shit.
But if you’re in doubt absolutely call them, emergency room staff are experts at identifying panic attacks and the symptoms of stress hormones and will help you understand what’s happening to you, the most important data about having a panic attack is to realize it’s a panic attack and that you’re not actually dying.
But your job right now is to simply send a physical memo to your deaf amygdala that you are safe. Move slow, move so fucking slow. Breathe slow, 4, 4, and 4, slouch, don’t forget those tired droopy ass eyes.
Now look around, whatever object your eye lands on, name it out loud. For example you see me and you say, “oh my, what glorious and authoritative mustache.” Move those lazy eyes, slowly find another object, say it out loud. Keep doing that until you feel better, staying loose, moving slow, breathing in 4s
You can also splash cold water on your face, but if you do, do it slow, do it calm. Everything you do is slow, and calm, and slouchy and your eyes are droopy, and your muscles are loose. That’s how you send the amygdala the memo to chill the fuck out.
When you experience a massive dump of stress hormones for no obvious conscious or environmental reason, because it feels like you’re actually dying, your conscious mind will make figuring it the fuck out its highest priority.
Stress hormones can make your heart skip and jump. It can make your sides hurt. They make you dizzy, tingly and numb, mysterious pains occur.
Since your mind feels like it’s dying it will desperately latch onto the first or the biggest symptom and the next thing you know you’ve talked yourself into believing you’re having a heart attack or organ failure or a stroke or whatever the fuck,
It’s normal to do so, a panic attack is something that’s completely out of our control and so we think that by naming it we will gain some kind of control over it and therefore we can take some kind of action to fix it but by falsely diagnosing a panic attack the amygdala gets further activated and will proceed to pump even more stress hormones to help you fight or freeze or flee in an attempt to help you stay safe and or survive.
Stay loose, relax your muscles, breathe, don’t think about the symptoms ok,? Just do shit, so slowly, that a safe person would do. You are loose, you are breathing, think “I am safe” and look at and see that your environment is safe too.
Stay focused, stay relaxed. Don't forget your fucking breath and keep at it, it takes time to get there, endure, you’ve got to go through it for a bit. You can figure out why this is happening later when your veins aren't pumping stress hormones and shit.
And for fucks sake don’t start googling symptoms. This happens to a lot of people. It's totally normal. It's okay. You're still not dying. Loose and limp, breathing in breathing out, don’t hyper focus on any of the weird shit your body is feeling- remember stress hormones do crazy and unexpected shit and make you want to crawl up into a ball so tight that you implode out of existence, so loosen the fuck up.
Stay relaxed and do safe person shit, your amygdala absolutely will get the message if you keep at it so wait it out and then, carry the fuck on. You’ve got this, not cuz I say so, cuz you say so, so fucking say so. I promise it will go away. Toodle-oo.
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