No matter how fucked up a situation is, and no matter how fucked up you feel there is absofuckinglutely hidden within it a polarity of positivity.
I’m not just talking shit, I’m telling you the worse something is the greater the potential for something good to happen from it and the greater the opportunity for expansion because in order for something to expand, its borders must either molt or break.
But don’t take my word for it just because my words emulate through such an authoritative mustache, figure it the fuck out for yourself, its simple, look around. Nature is a dualistic swirl of expansion and contraction and is comprised of opposites, that’s the whole damn setup.
No matter how fucked up a thing is, it has a positive polarity. Night has day, cold has heat, hate has love. First thing to know is that it is a fundamental law of nature, duality, polarity, change.
But I get it, believe me I fucking get it. Some circumstances are so tragic, and some states are so devastating that shit like this is very hard to hear and even harder to conceptualize.
But I’m not talking here about rose colored glasses or cheek turning, I’m not talking about some kind of pollyanic coping strategy. Fucked up shit happens and when it does the most appropriate initial response is to feel it fully and let it run through you like a burning current.
That current that runs through you, if you let it, will electrify the parts of you that are resisting the fucked-up thing. If you don’t allow this terrible current to run its course through and out of you in vibrational waves of crying or the saline flush of a thousand tears or the grounding rod of emotional release, then it will stay within you, and you'll become an overcharged meat battery and that is not a good fucking look.
The good thing about a bad thing is that it shows you things within yourself that you otherwise would never really notice. Suffering is the great cleanser because the only thing that suffering actually is, is a resistance to what is.
The worse something is the more we resist it and the more we resist it the more we suffer. Then we create narratives about our suffering, and we justify it and/ or we curse it and we make it a part of our story. Then our woeful tale of resistance gets incorporated into our ego bubble and that ego bubble does everything it can to not pop.
The first thing to remember is the most basic observation of reality, everything is in motion and everything changes. You are not a thing cruising around within nature you are a moving wave upon its surface, you are a frequency in the static, a vibration in a field.
So, no matter how fucked you are know this- beyond a doubt, it will change, don’t get stuck in the background notion that “this is my new forever” it always feels like it is but it’s not, forever is not a thing that exists in our reality, it’s not a thing.
Every fucked-up thing has a positive polarity but that doesn’t mean we chase that positivity or we covet it. When shit is bad, like really bad the only thing you can appropriately do is to simply go through it, try not to resist what that current does to your mental, emotional or physical systems. Let it light up all of your circuits of resistance so that you can see them clearly.
Then, after some semblance of release, there's a sort of still moment. This is the point where we desperately try to make sense of things and we encapsulate the thing with a story but no matter how intricate or logical the story that we fabricate is, somewhere in the back of our mind we kind of know, it’s bullshit, it’s just a coping strategy.
In that still moment you are at a tipping point and the nature and quality of your thoughts will either push you back into despair or you can consciously pull yourself towards the opposite polarity of positivity simply in order to balance it out.
In that still moment If you release memory and relax anticipation and just feel yourself existing in this singular moment you’ll realize, fuck, I’m ok, right here, right now, I’m fucking ok. I’m not dead, I’m not on fire, I’m not being sucked into a void, I exist and I’m ok in this very moment.
To extend that moment just be present drain your attention out of your wound up fool head and into your body, feel gravities hug, hear the sounds of the world without judgment, feel the stimulation of nerves from temperature or the rub of clothing, shit like that, get into the body and diffuse your attention away from your head and just be ok. Until you fuck it up by remembering or worrying or in other words you slip out of real existence which is only now and into nonexistence which is an electrical daisy chain of thought.
We have to be aware of when we arrive in that pregnant pause and then just gently feel yourself being ok as opposed to impregnating that pause with some kind of narrative. When things are super fucked that may be all you get, a single moment of Ok-ness from time to time. But do not for one second discount how important that ok moment is because it is from habitually recognizing and extending those ok moments that you can make the next move.
Whatever the terrible thing is, something good is coming from it. I’m not saying make shit up and I’m not saying bullshit yourself I’m saying find it, it is there, it has to be in the same way that night must yield to day and life must yield to death.
I’m not trying to minimize anyone’s suffering, I’m not saying “pick your chin up little buckaroo”. What I am saying is that when you are absolutely powerless to effect a terrible situation, you absofuckinglutely have the power to change your thoughts and re-direct neural pathways which in turn will change your brain juice which will make your body feel differently which in turn will inspire you to do shit to keep your body feeling better through healthy actions or at least by minimizing doing dumb shit to numb or cope. You know what I’m talking about.
Finding that positive polarity is only for the purpose of balancing your system for the sake of collaborating with the circumstances of suffering or tragedy. Positivity is not something to grasp in order to keep you from despair.
This is a process, and we must oscillate between the amplitude of suffering, to the equilibrium position of Ok-ness, then to the amplitude of positivity, over and over again. That’s how this works that’s the system that’s what’s going to happen and if you can recognize it then you can appropriately collaborate with it and use it for your own expansion.
Remember everything changes so if you’re fucked, endure, wait it out, and if you’re experiencing positivity enjoy it but don’t get attached because if you do once you start the transitional swing back to Ok-ness, that neutral state will be then mis-labeled as a fucked state by contrast or comparison because you clung to the good and the weight of disappointment will swing you back into despair faster and you will dwell there, as you must off and on, but it will be longer than necessary so… fuck that shit.
Here comes the most important part, after you have become successful allowing yourself to fully feel and express, after you have made it a habit to recognize and extend the transitional neutral or “I’m Ok” state, and after becoming fluent in the perceptual language of positivity so that you are balanced even within tragedy, then you take a step back.
I’m not talking about detachment, quite the opposite actually it’s more like radical allowance. You simply sink back behind your thoughts just enough to objectively see the process that’s happening within you. Because here’s the deal, either you are the crazy, or, you are aware OF the crazy.
If you are the crazy, then this whole process will burn you the fuck out. But if you can become aware of the crazy, in order to do so, to observe the crazy you must by necessity become something other than the crazy, other than the process. If you make it an observation then you automatically become seated closer to what you actually are, the unperturbable lucidity behind your thoughts because newsflash, you are not your fucking thoughts unless of course, you think you are.
Some folks benefit from meditation to relax into this substratum of pristine awareness, this experiential but un-explainable lucid string that runs through each and every meat bead of humanity, and yeah, I mean you too. Other folks do yoga and all kinds of shit to wiggle their ass back behind the curtain of thought. If you're not into any of that shit that’s fine you can also achieve the same thing over time by modifying your self talk for example:
Instead of the self talk “I’m so fucking sad” you say, “I am aware of sadness in this system, it presents as lethargy” or whatever.
Or instead of “I’m freaking the fuck out” you might say, “I am aware that this mind is projecting itself into the future and catastrophizing in order to keep itself safe by way of preparation because this terrible thing has caused the amygdala to become overly fucking diligent.”
Or instead of “I’m so fucking pissed” you might say “I am aware of a sharp pain in this chest and heat in this skin because there is an overload of unprocessed and unreleased grief and pain that is seeking discharge through anger because this system resists the process and has engaged an anger default in order to expunge some of the built up charge.” Are you picking up what I’m putting down?
When you say “I am” you are engaging the engine of identification. “I am” is a commandment to the legions of cells that make you up and they will obey an “I am” command. “I am fucked” is a decree that all your systems will obey.
But saying “I am aware of” instead of “I am” this or that, you are pushing yourself beyond the tumultuous state that is playing out and back into the “I” that is observing as opposed to getting caught up in the thought plane through the default engine of identification. “I am aware of” pushes you into the “I” of the thought storm.
Now- you can use “I am” in a positive way through affirmations “I am happy” or whatever it’s kind of a fake it till you make it thing and can be effective in overwriting “I’m fucked” code with something more pleasant but that’s not what this is about because that method still binds you with identification to the least of what you are which are thoughts. I’ll say it again- thoughts are the least of what you are, that’s a clue boo.
And by the way whilst observing we should also be allowing. Observe it just as it is and let it be what it is. If you then label it and start resisting the label or coveting the label then you get all wrapped back up into identification then you’re again the crazy and your fucked so, yeah, maybe try not to do that.
But if you do and then you notice you did then observe and allow that too. If you feel like this is just too hard and you keep fucking up- observe that too, it’s a process and the worse you think you’re doing the more you’re actually doing it because if you weren’t doing it, you wouldn’t know you’re fucking up.
In tragedy and suffering there are endless opportunities to clean out your system. It's not self-medication it’s not a path to heaven it’s not a moralistic activity it is a clearing out of everything you're not by seeing that everything you are not all just shit that you thought that you were. (You’re not your fucking thoughts)
And for what purpose? Well, me thinks for the ultimate purpose.
We can look at the cosmos if you want to get all mathy and shit but perhaps we are best suited to observe small things. If you want to understand something look at a larger or smaller related system and by the way they’re all fucking related systems. But let’s look at a caterpillar who cruises around on leaves and maybe gets gulped by a bird and becomes transformed and assimilated into said bird or, perhaps it endures and becomes a larva which is an active feeding stage that grows and molts and does not look comfortable at all to me, sound familiar?
Then it transforms into a pupa which is a non-feeding inactive stage, one might liken it to the, I don’t know, Ok-ness stage maybe? Where it re-organizes and transforms into something else. You know, a butterfly duh.
We cannot outrun entropy or change. You either know this already or you will find out. Nature is meant to transform itself from the simplest to the most complex and how fucking complex have we become?
If we’re fortunate we will utilize our most difficult circumstances to achieve critical mass and from there we go from the complex back to the simple.
Through this process I’m describing we can push through to the next stage of evolution, it’s not one of intelligence or technology, or bigger, better, faster, or prettier or bigger dicks or pouty lips, its one of, what presents as, consciousness. The all-pervasive ineffable signal that runs through reality that is separate from but is also integral to the entire manifest cosmos and this evolutionary process occurs through purifying the electrical bullshit that we have accumulated that we call thought.
Thought is not the end all be all. Thinking is quite a new development in the grand scheme of things, it’s what’s behind that, it’s what allows and supports that, that is beyond ancient. A vast unknowable still and empty sort of experiential wakefulness, that’s where it’s at. I’m talking about something that can’t be talked about but, I sometimes call it awareness without the “of” or the “one thing true”, but consciousness works if you get over the idea that consciousness is produced in the brain like a by-product. Thought is actually a byproduct of it.
Think of it, if you must think, like a movie projector. That system requires a metal box, or a meat box in our case… meat box… got distracted sorry.
Uh yeah, so a meat box then it needs a lens, like sense organs, a strip of constantly moving film, just like thoughts incessantly moving one after another after another ad nauseum.
And finally, and most importantly, a light bulb in the back which shines through the thought film and projects reality onto some kind weird quantum screen that no one quite gets, another very mathy sort of thing. And no it’s not an accident that I’m implying that we project reality, I don’t mean it literally, I am hinting about something, but you have to realize that shit for yourself because it’s entirely experiential.
Everything in this movie we call reality is dependent upon that light, but the light itself relies on nothing. The lights only job is to shine and it doesn’t give a single shit what kind of movie you play. It doesn't require a movie that deifies and glorifies itself, “all hail the holy bulb”, in order to beneficently shine, it just shines its wakeful light.
It will illuminate and play a horror flick, or a love story equally. It's about what film you run, it's about modifying your thoughts in a way that is more balanced because aren't the best movies ones with some tension? Where the actors go through some shit and overcome that shit thus implying that the human spirit is capable of not just overcoming and surviving but is able to thrive from adversity itself. But, yeah play whatever fucking movie you want, you’re the director and the lead actor, and the entire cast and all the props.
Imagine a singularity, one infinite eternal thing that’s not actually a thing at all, sounds fucking boring to me. And perhaps that ineffable effulgent boring stillness quivered a bit and boom shattered a little of itself to expand and become matter and the universe and the fucking multiverse.
Tiny bits that interact and coagulate into organic molecules, the likelihood of which is astronomically unlikely, and then evolve from the simple to the more complex so that perhaps the singularity can experience every iteration of what it’s not, but of course also is, by giving itself amnesia so that it forgets it’s just one thing. It sits its ass in the theatre seats and forgets it’s watching a movie at all so as to become entranced for the sake of experiential enjoyment.
It stands to reason that the amnesiatic bits who are meant to be infinitely branching off every moment into the multiverse to experience every possible thing would eventually begin to return to this singularity business but now with a precious bundle of dualistic experience in which to adorn the stillness.
But, you know, I don’t recommend getting too caught up in these analogies because none of them are inherently true. I’m just giving your mind something to chew on because minds are like hungry mouths and a mouth can't really eat itself, until of course it can through another more mysterious process. All this shit here is ultimately meant to be digested and then shit out in order for it to become nourishing through a direct and gnostic experience of what you already actually are.
So, this difficult and fucked up process born of life’s greater difficulties, should you find yourself there… when you find yourself there, is a fucking gift, unless of course it’s not. But that is entirely up to you. Haven’t you noticed that every missed opportunity to grow and everything that we avoid keeps recycling, coming back around again and again until we figure it the fuck out. Reality knocks gently at first but if we don’t listen it busts out the sledgehammer, something we cannot avoid or ignore, for the simple lesson of us allowing what is, to be just what it is rather than turning it into something we use to further define and segregate ourselves to hide within egoic crafted narratives.
If you are drawn towards this vortex, this eventual pull, this proclivity or aspiration to return, just as a wave must eventually sink and relax back into the sea, then use your suffering to find where you resist “what is” because that is what suffering is, it's a resistance to what is.
The more tragic the circumstance, the more resistance and therefore the more we suffer. The final practice is simple, and you can do it every day all day, it’s to allow reality to just be what it is. There will still be pain, let it be what it is and in that allowing there will also be joy, don't cling, just let it be what it is as well.
Every time you feel that tightness or twang or churn that’s your body showing you where your resistance lives. Trace it back to the associated story that lives deep in your mind and let it be what it is, blast that thought or memory or narrative with the light of your awareness and watch the color explode out of it then, leave it alone, leave it in there but devoid of its color or sway like a piece of film that got overexposed by the intensely hot bulb of your consciousness and then relax into your own existence.
This is not the path to happiness because happiness must be contrasted by suffering, happiness is bound to the ever-changing dualistic nature of reality, it’s not worth aiming for because it cannot stay. You might call this the path to peace, but peace isn't really a path it’s your natural state behind all the bullshit.
You might even refer to this as the path to awakening to your true nature, but it’s really not because you are not, nor have you ever been asleep you just forgot you're awake, you just got caught up and identified with the film and forgot the light and forgot that this is your movie.. Maybe, just maybe, this is the path to remembering, remembering who? The one thing true and the only portal to it, is through you. Toodaloo
