Mindhole

Our own mind can be a real fucking asshole sometimes,
wordlessly electrifying our wrinkly pink meat computer to ejaculate stress hormones
into our body without any explanation.
It feels like, who's driving this fucking meat tractor anyway?
We can reclaim our fucking kingdom though,
but we have to think outside of the tangle of elusive thoughts and experience
reality in the raw.
That which hides will not be found by looking in all of the obvious fucking places.
That trauma that shit you've hidden under the leaves believing yourself unable to
cope has grown like mycelium and you don't find the elusive black trumpet mushroom by looking for a thing you look for a little hole of emptiness you look in the margins
of a path and at the base of a tan oak and similarly we don't use thought to chase
thought thus producing more fucking thought a frustrating electric cat chasing its
tail we have to know where to look take a somatic approach and find it in your body
an ice pick through the breastbone,
a churning gut,
like that,
and you just marinate in that feeling,
and the little black thoughts disguised as a nothingness reveal themselves,
and thus revealed,
we allow ourselves to feel it,
and to process,
and to scream,
or cry,
or whatever way in which you want to discharge it.
Then pulled from the mycelium of our mind,
we put it back,
albeit now with less power to fuck you up,
having been purified by the light of your own awareness.
Seek and ye shall fucking find.
You'll need help from outside of your mind,
for a problem cannot be solved from the same state in which it was created.
Find a natural place and meat tractor your ass around.
Arms and legs pumping like bellows to blow the dust off of your obscured thoughts.
Get drunk on your own endorphins to push yourself out of your own despair and suffering,
which in fact is only an electrical anomaly inducing stress hormones of which we
mistakenly own as us and forget that nothing,
including suffering,
is forever.
Open willing and searching the void will allow you to see things just as they
actually are and the fruits of reality become revealed as the mind layers are
peeled it's determined only by your willingness to feel and process to search those
dark little pockets in your mind do you feel that quiver of fear to go there? 
Those are the lies woven over an experience so we can go on and do what? 
Suffer. 
Through honesty feel that memory but also observe the feeler for you are not those thoughts.
If you were thought,
it would be impossible to observe thought itself,
so figure it the fuck out.
When we look into the emptiness,
when we are desperate enough to gaze into that terrible void,
we are surprised to find light.
That's the gift of suffering.
It drives us to the light.
Suffering is just an aversion to what is.
And as our tangle of aversion and attraction is unwoven, we see what is.
And what is, is just us existing.
You knew I was going to stick my finger in that fucker.
If you have a question before you look for a book or a video,
go the fuck outside and ask nature to show you.
I'm not talking woo-woo shit.
You and reality are the same fucking thing.
A quantum wave function that collapses into your observation and into atoms made of
99% emptiness and little electric sperm which zip through your optic nerve in the
form of photons and you,
a mostly empty electric vibration,
piece together the persistent illusion of reality inside of your own wrinkly pink
meat computer which through the structure of ego seeks to prove that you are a fucking you and it is a fucking it. 
We walk the old road of least resistance, belief and hope, but if we
veer off into uncharted existence we find things that otherwise would never be
revealed. This is your fucking journey no one else's you can walk a well-worn path
if you want it's fine and I'm not the fucking boss of you but at some point, we must
make an assessment how is this fucking path working out for me?
If you're asking that question, that's a fucking clue.
Might be time for you to do you.
I'm not saying you have to uproot your outer life, unless of course you do.
I'm saying become an observer instead of a labeler or judge.
I'm saying walk that thin path through the forest of life and find that fire in
your middle,
your highest aspiration,
independent of your disbelief of its attainment or your imagined obstacles.
Grow towards that thing as all of nature stretches and grows towards the light of the sun.
But like nature, never cling.
The sun is constantly moving through the sky,
and so too,
we must follow our aspiration as it shifts and moves,
and we sway to the ever-changing light of consciousness.
Don't take shit so seriously all the time.
Have a little fucking fun while you're at it.
When we stop labeling,
we can follow the lines of nature and they all point the same fucking way.
All things of leaf and wood and fur and scale and meat,
all illuminated from within with the exact same fucking heat.
A primordial wakeful emptiness stretching towards the light through every
phototropin and receptor and wet seeking eye.
a singularity longing for itself through its own dream of reality in which it has
shattered into amnesia and has become you listening to this shit right here right
fucking now. 
Get out of your fucking head be nature instead it's just you existing a
dynamic beingness or a bump on a log you are whole and perfect and complete despite
what your thoughts try to think
You are light seeking light.
You are the dispeller of night.
You are sound and sight.
You are the challenge and the fucking fight.
Thoughts are just clouds in the sky of you.
So figure it the fuck out.
You've got this.
Toodaloo.